« Cool Tool for Bloggers: MarketLeap | Main | My Blog is Loading VERY Slowly This Afternoon! »
Interesting Story About Kids, Parents, and Money
By JLP | June 7, 2006
A reader sent me an email this morning with a link to this story that was in USA Today. This excerpt says it all:
Week after week, Eleanor and Todd Hugus of La Jolla, Calif., are reminded of the price of raising an active teenager.
In April, their 13-year-old daughter, Brooke, went on a whirlwind eight-day East Coast tour with her history class to, as Eleanor Hugus puts it, “walk in the paths of our Founding Fathers.” The cost: $1,800, broken into four payments.
“This was something we weren’t anticipating,” says Hugus, 49. “But you kind of have to think that she’s going to be the only kid left at school; how is she going to feel?”
Why can’t people understand that if they don’t have the money to do something, they don’t do it? I don’t get it. When are parents going to stand up and be parents? What’s wrong with saying, “Sweetie, mom and dad don’t have the money to send you on this trip.”
Am I the only one who feels this way? Please weigh in with your thoughts.
Topics: Kids and Money | 10 Comments »
June 7th, 2006 at 3:51 pm
I can relate, as a parent. I want my kids to be “cool” with their peers.
Our daughter’s recent B-Day party was a total success, with even some teachers showing up. By far the best b-day bash in her class. But it also cost us pretty penny–4 or 5 times more then I originally thought/budgeted for this year.
We also make sure that she has fashinable clothing and other things important to a child’s self-esteem. She is 6 years old, but kids mature much earlier today then when I was growing up.
Don’t misunderstand. We don’t spoil our daughter or shower her with presents and other such false attention. We don’t have lots of toys at our house. Discipline, responsibility, integrity; and consistancy in all three is something we teach her constantly. And we don’t have illusions that material things build self-esteem; I was adamant about her getting into martial arts to learn to better focus, listen, and be more confident. We have strict rules at home that must be followed.
It’s a hard thing to balance at best. As a parent, I would see myself as failing if I can’t provide at least the average so that she can at least fit in. In reality, I want her to be totally confident with herself at school, and will do and spend whatever it takes to facilitate that. But rather then from a monetary point, it begins with being more involved in their lives, being a parent. Something schools can’t do for us.
June 7th, 2006 at 3:53 pm
JLP, you already know how disgusted I was by the article. Distasteful story #1: ‘Karen and Keith Smith are raising five boys, ages 6 months to 13 years, …on a household income of about $30,000… And they are trying to chip away at $15,000 in credit card debt.
But they pulled together enough money to buy MP3 music players in October for their two eldest sons after the boys made the school honor roll.’
Guess what will happen in my household of 3 boys, ages 5-11? They’ll mow grass, shovel sidewalks, dip into their allowance or birthday money and pay for the “gadget” themselves!
Distasteful Story #2:
‘Kim Rivielle, 38, threw a lavish “spa party” in February for her daughter Lexie’s 10th birthday, at Lexie’s request… Rivielle invited 25 girls to her home in ritzy Garden City, N.Y., for chocolate fondue, manicures, facials and massages.
“I work a lot, and she makes some sacrifices, so she deserves to get above and beyond,” says Rivielle, an executive at a business-information company who has four daughters. “For me, it’s easier to just do it than to find something else she wants to do.” ‘
Gee, like spending quality time with her mother?
Hey Kim, get a clue out of my clue bag…keep your spoiled daughter(s) away from my boys…I’m looking forward to having grounded, unselfish, daughter-in-laws!
Parents, it’s time to teach your children the difference between a NEED and a WANT! Oh to have children that are pleased with the simplicity of a beautiful day, a good book, and a comfy picnic blanket… (and so far I do!)
June 7th, 2006 at 3:58 pm
Perhaps I am trapped in a time warp here but is it just me or since when does a history class for a 13 year old involve an 8-day field trip that costs $1,800.00? I am puzzled as to how the school feels that it is an appropriate thing to put on parents financially and responsibility wise. I would not want my 13 year old daughter out with a large group of other teenagers for 8 whole days. Can you really have confidence in proper supervision for this entire trip? The answer is that you cannot. 13 year olds can be amazingly resourceful at getting into trouble if they are determined, and a few shaparons is not going to inhibit them.
I find the whole thing to be inappropriate in multiple ways and would be quite shocked to find such a thing proposed for my child. And of course it put these parents in a difficult situation where they spent money they didn’t want to because they didn’t feel they could say no. Their backbone not withstanding, they never should have had to make this decision.
June 7th, 2006 at 4:02 pm
I recall that in eighth or ninth grade the kids in my grade were offered a similar trip to Williamsburg. And it cost almost as much – I didn’t get to go because of the cost, and neither did some of the other kids. I went to a suburban school where a lot of the kids could afford that though, so more than half the kids went. While this wasn’t the instigator, this was just one of the many dividing lines that cut up the kids into neat little cliques over time. By the time we were seniors, I probably could have guessed with 90% accuracy which kids had gone on that trip, because of what they were like in general by the time they were older. There will be lots of events in kids’ lives that will separate them from their class, or single them out, but something like this isn’t really the most important one.
June 7th, 2006 at 4:25 pm
“Perhaps I am trapped in a time warp here but is it just me or since when does a history class for a 13 year old involve an 8-day field trip that costs $1,800.00?”
Maybe it’s because they live in La Jolla, California. In fact, I’m not sure you’d find many true “middle-class” families living in La Jolla these days. If keeping up with the Joneses is such a struggle for this family they need to find a more affordable place to live where the pressure to do things like send their daughter on $1800 trips isn’t so great.
June 7th, 2006 at 6:07 pm
“Maybe it’s because they live in La Jolla, California.”
Yes, I was going to say, if they’re living in La Jolla, they should be able to afford it. Very rich place.
June 8th, 2006 at 6:16 am
These folks really have to look at their priorities.
To me, if you have the money and you chose to spend it on your children in this way, then it is your business. I myself went on a “European Field Trip” (totally extracurricular but sponsored by the school) in 11th & 12th grade-My folks paid for the 1st one, with help from fundraisers. When I wanted to go the second time I worked at McDonalds the whole summer to go.
Now, if you DON’T have the money, then why are you spending it in this way, and what are you teaching your children. To me this teaches the child that they are more important than paying debt etc-which gives them a very unrealistic vision of the world. . . Can you bet that these same kids will charge up their credit cards on things that they want but can’t afford, because they “deserve” it?
June 8th, 2006 at 7:07 am
Shaking my head and agreeing with qw. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Cost and affordability aside, my 13 year old is not going on school field trip for 8 days…period! Spending money you don’t have just to make sure your child fits in is even more ridiculous. Expensive trips, fashionable clothes, lavish birthday parties, luxury cars… What is all of that teaching children about reality? In my opinion, it does more harm than good in the long run. When I read things like this, it confirms the current generation’s self entitlement attitude.
June 8th, 2006 at 10:03 am
When I was in high school we went on a week-long trip to Washington DC (the high school was on the West Coast) to learn about how the gov’t works. The whole history class went, but we all spent the entire school year fundraising so we could all go. If parents paid anything out of pocket, it was a donation toward the whole class’s tickets and hotel rooms. I don’t remember even being asked to ask my parents for money. Somebody taught us to call local companies, ask who was in charge of charitable contributions, get the right address, and write a letter to the company explaining the program and asking for a donation. It was great training and I really felt that I’d earned the trip.
I’m already feeling the pressure from my son’s school to participate in expensive activities we can’t afford. He’s only two. So far I’ve been able to stay within my budget by being willing to ask for a cut rate on special activities.
January 5th, 2008 at 9:32 am
in reguards to distasteful story #2,i agree 100%,and think that the mother has deep rooted problems.she should make quality time for her daughters,and stop the excuses of working all the time.she is raising spoiled brats,and the only emphases they will have,or judge people by,is the almighty dollar.wake up kim and smell the coffee.