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JLP’s QotD: Do you hide money from your spouse?

By JLP | June 19, 2006

Today’s Question of the Day came from an article by MP Dunleavey titled Is your mate hiding money? Ten ways to tell. So,…

Do you hide money from your spouse?

I don’t and I’m positive my wife doesn’t either. Fortunately, we are both on the same page when it comes to our finances.

Topics: Question of the Day, Relationship Finance | 16 Comments »


16 Responses to “JLP’s QotD: Do you hide money from your spouse?”

  1. Vlad Says:
    June 19th, 2006 at 2:52 pm

    That’s a surefire way to a downward spiral of distrust, and things go from bad to worse from there.

  2. Vlad Says:
    June 19th, 2006 at 3:15 pm

    I guess what I meant to say is that I disagree with the “experts” and accountants who dismiss “minor” secrets so nonchalantly. There are very few shades of gray in marriage…

  3. John M Says:
    June 19th, 2006 at 4:01 pm

    I do not have a secret account. But I think just about everyone has tried to hide or “minimize” (Telling your spouse you spent less on an item then you actually did) a purchase from their spouse at some time. This is not healthy behavior, but as humans we are prone to deceiving others and ourselves in order to indulge in unhealthy behavior.

  4. Jesse Says:
    June 19th, 2006 at 4:44 pm

    If you’re hiding money from your spouse then you have marriage problems – not JUST money problems.

  5. Personal Finance Blogger Says:
    June 19th, 2006 at 4:57 pm

    My wife probably doesn’t know all of the places I’ve got money squirreled away, she’s just not that interested. There are no secrets, she just hasn’t bothered to ask. I do feel bad for people who can’t or won’t be open and honest about their finances in a marriage, it will catch up to them at some point.

    She was (and is I assume :)) happy to be married to someone who is interested in money and taking care of the bills etc. It frees up her to spend more time doing the things she likes to do.

  6. Stacey Says:
    June 19th, 2006 at 7:05 pm

    JLP, glad to see such a good response to this article so far! No, my husband and I don’t have any secret slush funds. However I would like to comment on Personal Finance Blogger’s response. Please don’t consider it a kindness to your wife to take care of the bills so she can pursue more enjoyable interests. She has a high probability of having to “deal with” the finances for a number of years (sorry, but probably because you predecease her). So do her a real favor, and sit down and explain why you have the accounts you have, and how she can manage them in your absence (or in the best case) your incapacity. That way, she won’t be lost without you and completely unable to do the things “she likes to do.”

  7. (Him) Make Love, Not Debt Says:
    June 20th, 2006 at 1:51 am

    Yes, I hide money from Her…in little plastic eggs. When she finds them, I give her a cupcake!

  8. Foobarista Says:
    June 20th, 2006 at 2:34 am

    We are extremely open, to the point where we have to allocate money for presents to each other. It may mean we don’t do monster surprise gifts, but we’re not the sort who would be into that sort of thing.

    As for accounts, we have a (encrypted) spreadsheet where all the account numbers and running balances are centralized so we can figure out our running net worth at a glance. I maintain it and we run through it at the end of each month.

  9. Brad Says:
    June 20th, 2006 at 9:20 am

    Nothing hidden, but she probably couldn’t tell you where some of it is without thinking about it for a while.

  10. Vlad Says:
    June 20th, 2006 at 10:16 am

    Foobarista, be careful what kind of ‘encryption’ you use for Excel. Excel is extremely vulnerable and provides little real protection from someone wanting to get to its data. Unless you are using some third-party (ie. non-Microsoft) software to encrypt it, it ain’t safe.

  11. mapgirl Says:
    June 22nd, 2006 at 10:10 am

    OMG. I’m dying laughing at Him’s comment. I’ve got bunches of those plastic eggs for passing out candy to my friends and their kids. If he needs anymore, he can email me. ;-)

  12. Free Money Finance Says:
    June 23rd, 2006 at 5:31 am

    Star Money Articles for the Week of June 19

    Here are interesting posts and news this week from the MoneyBlogNetwork members and beyond: Five Cent Nickel has a great money saving tip — live next door to someone who’s moving. Blueprint for Financial Prosperity highlights the lengths some people

  13. Not Made Of Money Says:
    June 23rd, 2006 at 7:24 am

    Nothing hidden here either. The only difference is that he knows from memory exactly where the investments are and how much, and I would have to look them up in our spreadsheet.

  14. Matt Says:
    June 24th, 2006 at 3:00 am

    My fiancee (not married yet) and I have seperate accounts, but she knows where all my personal funds are, and likewise I know about hers, even though I don’t consider myself entitled to any say in what happens with them (I never even met any of the relatives she inherited that money from, for example).

    She also knows that my business has accounts offshore, but doesn’t have the access information (although she does know where I keep confidential documents). But that’s more for her protection in case the IRS decides retroactively that they don’t like the way I’ve structured my income from overseas clients.

  15. Rich Says:
    November 2nd, 2007 at 9:16 pm

    I must be the world’s biggest sucker!

    For the third time in our seven year marriage, my wife has racked up multi-thousand dollar credit card debt behind my back. This third and most recent time amounted to 53K. More than the first two times combined! The rate on some of these cards is 31% and total minimum payments are more than my mortgage.

    It is the single most dehumanizing and frustrating experience to a) find out that your spouse has lied to you repeatedly about a spending issue you thought was behind you and b) your back in the hole again for the foreseeable future. Oh yeah, and let me add c) my credit rating is in the tank too. She took out two cards in both of our names that I was not aware of. I now spend my Saturday’s following up with collections agencies and negotiating payment plans.

    I wrote it off the first time this happened as just a mistake, the second time I almost left her but decided to work it out since she swore it wouldn’t happen again, and now a third time. I regret staying because this time around we have a two year old child and this is the last thing we need.

    Here I go again, into the debts of Hell.

  16. Dona Says:
    September 27th, 2008 at 3:14 pm

    I found some evidence that my husband might have made some investments in some mutual funds without telling me. Is there a way to find out?

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