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Question of the Day – Kids
By JLP | November 9, 2006
We’re going to take a slight detour today from personal finance and tackle a topic that has been on my mind a lot lately:
Some of you might detect a bit of frustration from my wording but my wife and I are trying to figure out a way to motivate our boys to do their household chores WITHOUT us reminding them. My boys are 11 and 9 (nearly 10). What, if anything are you doing that works? Oh, and here’s their chores:
1. Keep room clean
2. Clean their bathroom
3. Gather up trash
4. Take out trash
5. Take trash cans to the curb (on Wednesdays only)
6. Vacuum the carpet
I’m interested to hear what you guys think. If you don’t have kids, maybe you can tell us what your parents did with you when you were a kid.
Topics: Miscellaneous | 15 Comments »
November 9th, 2006 at 3:34 pm
I just explain them that they have duties as their parents do. They learn from an our own example.
November 9th, 2006 at 3:34 pm
My son is only 20 months so I dont have ALOT of experience with this but, you might want to try some sort of chart. For instance, the chart lists the days of the week and chores for each day and ones that need to be done for the next day like the garbage. Once they have finished with that chore, they are allowed to put a star next to it and at the end of the week, if all chores are done, they get 100% of their allowance. If only 5/6 then a percentage, etc…
Just a suggestion.
November 9th, 2006 at 3:56 pm
Hate to break it to ya partna, but it NEVER ends. My daughter’s 14, smart kid, pretty responsible…but…I always have to remind her to do SOMETHING.
I think it’s because their frontal lobe is not fully developed yet. LOL Seriously!!
LOL @ 9 and 11 yr old boys vacuuming. I’d have to go behind my daughter so often, I’m better off doing that chore myself. Then again, it’s probably because I like to see the perfectly straight lines.
November 9th, 2006 at 4:38 pm
Without reminding them?
Good luck on that one.
November 9th, 2006 at 4:52 pm
I think your best bet may be to adjust your expectations. Heck, I don’t remember to do my own chores without reminding myself. (I have “Clean” written in my planner…)
What we do is we have a master list of things that need to be done around the house, and then on the days that say “Clean” we all (including my son) pick whatever we want from the list and clean for 15 minutes. Stuff like “keep room clean” really isn’t on the list though. For that I just tell him “you need to clean up before bed”.
November 9th, 2006 at 5:02 pm
I use a Taser. Just kidding! My daughters did their chores reluctantly, with a lot of reminding and cajoling, and even then not very well. Then they moved out into their own place. And after a year or two of it looking like a dump, they started cleaning up by themselves with no reminders. I know that doesn’t help you much.
November 9th, 2006 at 5:08 pm
COME ON PEOPLE! I was looking for some solid advice! LOL! Dang it! I guess a “good thing” is that I’m not alone.
I suppose this is why Stephen Covey mentions something in his book about getting a kid to keep his room clean but doesn’t offer any suggestions on how to do it.
November 9th, 2006 at 5:13 pm
Sorry, JLP. I’m just in that sort of a mood. As for real advice, I have to go back to a management book I read years ago. It said “Things that get rewarded get done.” Just keep on them. I know that gets old, but that’s life.
November 9th, 2006 at 7:32 pm
My kids are older now, and are not perfect but they do a decent job of maintaining their space. I’ll tell you what I did, but you aren’t going to like it and neither will they. But first I need to come clean and tell you a dirty cluttered house drives ME NUTS! So, now that you know I am crazy, we can move on.
When they were smaller, they were told a specific day that their room and things had to be picked up. If it was not completed, to “close” to my specifications, it was the garbage bags turn. I am the garbage bag queen. One time throwing out anything out of place, regardless of value or favoriteness and I never had to do it again.
Now, that is not to say I didn’t have to remind, I do this today. But, my life has become easier as they age with the habit of cleaning.
I also limit their jobs, frankly because it is not up to my standards. They only, clean their rooms, put up laundry, bring dirty laundry down 2 days a week, put all dirty dishes of theirs in the dishwasher, and bring back the trash cans on garbage day.
If I must be totally honest, cleaning thier room is just putting things in their place, I vacuum, dust and clean fans. They will tell you though, “we don’t do it good enough or we would”.
November 9th, 2006 at 10:18 pm
I don’t have kids so I’ll share with you how things went down in our family when I was growing up. Your question dredged up some not-so-pleasant memories, so some permanent damage must have been done! Employ these techniques at your own risk …
We shared rooms (3 girls to one room, 2 boys to another) so the rooms stayed clean by virtue of “peer policing”. My parents had to break up a few fights now and then, but they didn’t have to play bad cop.
We also had household chores assigned to each of us for a week at a time – e.g., doing dishes after dinner, taking out garbage. The rotation broke up the monotony and kept things fair. Though I recall that there wasn’t any QA process, so some of my siblings got off easy. Perhaps this caused some permanent damage, but then life isn’t always fair, is it?!
Finally, every Saturday morning was cleanup day. We had to clean up the basement (our play room), and dust and vacuum everywhere. We all did it together, and nobody was allowed to leave the house for any reason until the whole job was done. No if’s, and’s or but’s. Even when our friends would come around and ask when we could come out and play.
Not sure how many of these would fly in today’s world, but there were some valuable lessons there along with getting the work done.
November 9th, 2006 at 10:19 pm
I can only speak from a teacher’s point of view. I know the pain of reminding kids to do the same thing day after day (times 24). My suggestion is that you set expectations such as “No guests if your room is not clean, or no TV until the vacuuming is done.” The key that I’ve found is to not let it become a power struggle. Don’t argue about it, just set the guidelines and don’t budge, even when your favorite show is on! Another suggestion is to set a time where everything stops and the whole house does chores at the same time. This may give you a chance to get some cleaning of your own done. It works well with 24 second graders, hope it works for you too.
~T
November 10th, 2006 at 10:18 am
I know I’m going to get killed saying this, but you can’t motivate anyone with extrinsic methods. Study and study has demonstrated that rewarding people for doing things reduces their interest in doing them…even things they found interesting/fun. My recommendation – let them have a dirty bathroom as long as they’re the only ones using it; stress that everyone in the family has responsibilities to that family and part of theirs is taking out the trash. Sorry, but that’s the best I can do.
November 10th, 2006 at 1:12 pm
No kids yet for us, but when I was a kid, my sister and I had the following responsibilities:
1) Keep rooms clean, including making the bed, hanging up/folding clothes (putting away clean laundry), keeping our desks organized.
2) This will sound funny, but since my sister’s birthday is on an odd day, and mine is even, on odd days my sister got to set the table and say grace first. On those days, I cleaned up dinner. Vise versa on even days.
3) Once we were in high school, we were responsible for doing our own laundry. This is so essential – otherwise, I wouldn’t have known how to do it in college!
4) Everyone ironed their own clothes.
5) Laura and I were also responsible for shoveling the driveway/walk when it snowed.
I don’t think kids necessarily need to be or should be incentivized to do chores. My parents always made it clear that every member of the household had to contribute to the household’s productivity, and we never questioned that!
November 10th, 2006 at 1:13 pm
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November 18th, 2006 at 2:05 pm
When I was growing up my parents often encouraged me to do various chores by connecting it to how much independence I could have. If I didn’t know how to do the laundry or clean my room, how was I to expect to live in an apartment or dorm once I went to college. Because I was motivated to gain more independence I learned to cook and take on other chores. As my parents saw me maturing they also gave me the independence I wanted. I could stay out later and have more say in decisions I made. If kids feel like its part of their development to adulthood then I think they will be more willingly to do it.