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Question of the Day – Kids and Cellphones
By JLP | January 14, 2008
Here’s today’s Question of the Day:
I ask this question because a week ago my son invited several friends over for a birthday party/sleepover. Two of the boys showed up with cellphones and spent most of the night texting their friends back in forth instead of taking part in the party. My boys (ages 12 and nearly 11) do not have cellphones and were pretty much left out of the texting festivities.
I’m of the opinion that most 11 & 12 yearolds do not “need” cellphones. Why?
1. I don’t want to spend the money.
2. It’s too easy for kids to get into trouble with a cellphone.
3. Either my wife or I know where our kids are and can get in touch with them if we have to.
Of course, there’s always exceptions and I definitely don’t think any less of parents who buy a cellphone for their kids. I just don’t think my kids need cellphones until they are in high school and driving and even then I’m not sure they need to be able to text their friends. That’s what they have mouths for (so they can talk to their friends!).
What do you guys think? Am I being unreasonable?
Topics: Question of the Day | 28 Comments »
January 14th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Kids should be allowed cellphones as long as they know when to use them. Texting when you are supposed to interact (party, meeting, introduction, etc.) shows very poor manners. I am somewhat surprised that kids these days like to text THAT much – is it really more fun than playing games and/or talking? As an aside, cellphones should be banned in class, as texting is basically like instant messaging on a laptop in college lectures – you don’t pay attention.
If they can drive, then a cellphone is convenient for CALLING friends and telling them where/when to meet up; a school is a small enough area that you can easily meet up with friends without a cellphone. If you and your wife already know where your kids are and your kids can’t drive, there’s no real reason for them to have a cellphone. It turns into a toy rather than a tool.
In short, I wouldn’t buy my (future) kids a cellphone. Kids really need to look for utility rather than “I want because everyone else has” these days…
January 14th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
When they’re old enough to pay for their own cell phone would be a good starting point.
January 14th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
It’ll depend on the culture of the time…but I’d say not until they’re 15 or 16. Perhaps when they’re 16 and have started driving.
January 14th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
I’ve been considering this, though my daughter is only 9 right now so I have a few years to think about it. I am concerned about unrestricted access to features and phone numbers, so my preference would be for a phone that was able to call (and perhaps text) just five to ten numbers (mostly family phones) and 911. I think these phones are available now and I’m sure these features would become more available (and customizable) down the road.
One issue I’ve been seeing in the news lately is “grooming”, where a predator slowly and carefully gains the trust of the child before acting. It turns out that cell phones have been a primary tool in this process; the predator creates a private communication channel with the child via the cell phone. Having a limited-access phone would close that channel.
My apologies if this is a duplicate – there was a problem with my earlier attempt.
January 14th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
I agree. Kids probably don’t need a cell phone until late highschool till college/university even. I’m just speaking from experience, I didn’t get my first cell phone until I was going to college, living away from home. (I’m in my 4th year of studies in college right now.
In highschool, usually my parents knew where I was and had ways to contact me if they needed to. So the cell phone thing wasn’t a big deal, even tho my classmates already had theirs.
January 14th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
My 12 year old boy has a phone on our Verizon plan. My ten year old girl has a Virgin pay-as-you-go phone.
The boy got his first phone at around ten. He brought it everywhere, lost it in more places than I could count, washed it at least once, and found out texting ate up his minutes faster than mowing grass could earn them back.
When he got his Verizon phone, we quickly learned to block text messaging, music downloads and purchasing of ringtones. Lately he’s been pretty responsible with his phone.
Between band, football, friends, music lessons and school I’d have a tough time keeping up with him without a phone. Also, I tend to walk out the door without my phone while he seldom forgets.
The girl doesn’t ever bring her phone unless we instruct her. She spends hours on the land line. Go figure
January 14th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
So tired of hearing parents excuse for a cellphone for their kids, “WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENS!”, response “like what?”, reply ” if the school has a bomb or something”.
So your kid calls you at work and tells you the school has a bomb, what are you going to do about it? Fly in there like superman/superwomen and rescue your kid. By having the knowledge instantly are you more assured that everything is going to be ok?
Here is another “I can reach them easier” reply “easier than what now?” If my kids are that far away from me that i cannot walk to go get them then they are too far. If they are at a friends house and i dont know their parents well enough to trust them, wrong friends to have.
Im so burned out of all the excuses…i used my house phone for HOURS at a time when i was young and mom could care less, often it was used as a punishment stick.
TV and the media have convinced some that it is a must to have one of these items and now look at us….not a pay phone to be found and MORE money every month from our budgets…who is using who…?
anyway just my .02
January 14th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
It seems the appropriate time for a kid to have a cell phone is when they need it. That cleared everything up right?
Seriously, like many have said, it makes sense to have a cell phone when you start driving and going to activities unchaperoned. There should be restrictions and trust between parents and child as well. First, the child must be responsible and have clear guidelines on when and how to use the cell phone. Second, kids should see the bill and understand how much money is involved in their portion of the service if they aren’t paying for it in full themselves. Third, phones should only be used when not driving and any texting while driving will be considered enough to immediately initiate a car/phone restriction.
I would like to say that “the phone should only be used in an emergency or to tell Mom and Dad where you are,” but that is just not realistic.
When I was first driving, I borrowed my Mom’s car, which had one of the old brick bag phones in it. I was to use it if I left the location I had originally told them I was going as well as if I was going to be later than expected. It was a way for my parents to eliminate the, “but I forgot to call before we left the house” excuse. While this was reasonable for that time, now, with many (most?) 15+ year olds having a cell phone, it makes sense to taper those rules a bit.
January 14th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
I had a cell phone when I was in 7th grade (back in 1995) and I never needed it as I was either at school, a friends house or somewhere in between. If your kids tell you they need a cell phone because they want to go do whatever they want with whomever they want, be a good parent and belt them across their face because they’re spoiled and don’t appreciate what they already have.
January 14th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
I agree with JP on this topic 100%. My 16-year-old niece just racked up a cell phone bill for 2200 text messages she sent. And no, her mother (my sister) was not intelligent get unlimited text messaging or, better yet, cancel the phone altogether.
It seems to me that children want the benefits of being children, ie., living free, not paying rent, eat free, etc. but want the LUXURIES of being an adult, ie., carrying a cell phone among other things.
And sadly, oftentimes it’s the parents with these hang-ups. Lots of little entitlement monsters out there being created as we speak.
At Christmas, our nephew (on my husband’s side) who is 12 years old was excited to share with us his new Nokia phone. “It’s my first cell phone,” he said. My husband and I just looked at one another and shook our heads. We’re the child-less ones, although we are working to remedy that.
My opinion? No child needs the following items in their possession or, at the very least, their bedrooms:
1.) Cell phones
2.) Computer with anything BUT word processing/spreadsheet capabilities — No Internet UNLESS the computer is in a common family area where mom and dad can view at any time. And NO Internet access unless mom and dad navigate for them for things such as school papers, projects.
3.) No television
IPods, however, are fine if mom and dad approve of all music downloaded and commit to doing a weekly check of the child’s choices.
January 14th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Something I’d love to say to parents who fall in to the excuse trap …
Kids don’t NEED more “yes-people” in their lives or more friends. If they do, believe me, they’ll find them. You, on the other hand, were given the awesome responsibility to be THEIR PARENTS. Just parent your kids properly. Teach them to respect each other and their elders and for the love of God, teach them manners.
January 14th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
I’d say they should get one when they are driving. My 13 year old nephew just got a phone and I have to wonder – who does he have to call? I mean, honestly!
January 14th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
I’ve got a while to ponder this one, but I have a feeling I’ll be giving my kids a phone sooner rather than later – with lots of run throughs and discussions on how to properly use the phone. I think this because we live in a very large city – and I will not be, as a previous commenter said, within walking distance of my child at all times. In fact, I anticipate their school will be a good 15 to 20 miles from my office. And if I’m running late to pick them up, I’d like to be able to explain that there was a bad accident on the freeway, etc. Yes, there will be alternative means of communicating this such as calling the school, but I like the idea of being able to personally reassure my child. That’s just one example why I think our kids will still be in (late) elementary school when they get their first phone.
I do anticipate, though, that as a previous commenter mentioned, I’ll be looking for a phone with lots of “parent control” options. And since we’ve got a few years to go, I expect the options will be pretty good by the time we get our oldest a cell.
January 15th, 2008 at 1:40 am
I didn’t get a cell phone until my second year at college. My brother got his cell phone at the age of 10 years old.
A lot of it has to do with the culture in Kuwait as well as our family situation. He’s surrounded by kids who have cell phones and having a cell phone helped save time for my busy parents when it came to picking him up from places – be they school, friends or family homes. We also travel a lot so having a cell phone makes it easier for us to stay in touch with him with a simple text instead of making an international call.
Before giving him the cell phone they taught him how to use it responsibly. He was on a pre-paid plan which means he can use his phone until he runs out of credit. My parents gave him $10 per month towards the cell phone. Once he finished his credit he’d have to wait for the next month. He’s responsible for not losing it or the replacement will come out of his allowance.
It’s been three years and he doesn’t use the phone much for calls. Instead he enjoys the mp3 features and treats his phone as an alternate to an iPod.
No pre-teen “needs” a cell phone. It is just a matter of convinience (if used responsibly). I do think it’s helped my brother be more financially responsible when it comes to spending and I wish I had been taught that lesson at his age.
January 15th, 2008 at 6:08 am
Nope, no cell phone for kids…. Our plan will be to get a cell phone when they start driving – in this day and age they will ‘need’ that (for our peace of mind).
Now we do have one of those pre-paid cell phone deals – one of them for the ‘family’, that stays home all the time – until mom or dad decide which kid needs to have it for whatever endeavor they have going (case in point – one daughter was in a play that did practice all day on a saturday and the play that evening – she did need to get a hold of us for letting us know the actual schedule of the day – the teacher wasn’t well organized).
January 15th, 2008 at 8:02 am
I got a cellphone at the end of sophomore year at college. I didn’t have a car at school until then so it wasn’t necessary.
Eventually my mother’s cell phone became the phone for her, dad, and my sister. Thats too many people to share a phone! Now that I’ve moved out and I pay for the family plan I got a phone for my (17-year old) sister.
Its a little chauvinist of me but I think girls need a phone before boys. There are a handful of situations that if they happened to me, I could manage without a phone. If they happened to my little sister … I want her to have a phone!
January 15th, 2008 at 8:30 am
I recently came about this same predicament my son who is turning 8 just ask for a cell phone for his birthday, when I ask him why he feel he needed one his answer was” because all my friends have one”. to what I responded you don’t need to have or do everything your friends has or does… he reply that his 11 years old sister has a cell phone(which she got on her birthday); but that is a different situation, my 11 year old is more responsible plus she actually needs a phone.
She walks to her extra curricular by herself because I’m at work, and I need a phone to contact her in case plans change and of curse for emergencies; my son on the other hand takes the school bus to his extracurricular and does not require for me to pick him up before is time for all of us to go home. he does not need a phone until he is in middle school (my reply to him).. is topic I think is different for everyone and coming from a single parent point of view I feel more at ease knowing that I can have instant communication with my child, of course if the situation was different and she had other ways of communication then she will not have a cell phone just like my little guy.
so my son will have to wait 4 more years to get his cell phone or if like I said situations change and I be force to give him one. Either or a cell phone is a great tool if the child is responsible enough to know that: is not a gadget, a toy or simply stylish to have a phone but a necessity.
January 15th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Like the internet, email, and instant messaging, cell phones continue to isolate people. It’s sad that your son’s friends couldn’t find a way to connect with him in person and so decided to communicate with friends that weren’t around. Cell phones are allowing college kids and others who don’t go to neighborhood schools to stay in contact with friends that aren’t in that community, and therefore not making new relationships. Plus, the outcome of having helicopter parents that need to be in contact with their children 24/7. It’s pretty sad.
I’m not having kids for a while, but when I do, I hope I can live in a place where parents don’t see a need for children to have cellphones until they need them. My nephew just turned 12 and he got a cell phone in 6th grade because he had to take public transportation home from school. He uses it mostly to call his friends. He now wants a smartphone. He just wants it because he thinks it’s cool and it can do so many things (none of which he needs). I make sure that whenever he comes to stay with us or if I’m taking him somewhere, I make him leave his cellphone at home. If his parents need to contact him, they can call me, and if he needs to talk to someone other than his parents, it can’t be so important that it can’t wait.
January 15th, 2008 at 9:56 am
I like the thought of having a camera phone. I can ask where they are, they respond that they are at the library, I ask them to take a picture of the library. See how they like the phone then.
January 15th, 2008 at 9:58 am
I just wanted to make the point that a cell phone is NEVER a necessity. It is purely a CONVENIENCE.
January 15th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
I think when they start high school (14 or 15) is a reasonable age.
January 15th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
It doesn’t only matter what YOU think is reasonable. It also matters what the consensus is in your community (i.e. what the parents of your kids’ friends think).
The fact is that whatever your personal beliefs are, it can be really isolating and embarrassing for your kids if they are literally the only kids at their school without cellphones (or anything else). Middle school/high school is all about fitting in, feeling “normal” and interacting with your peers in a meaningful way. Like it or not, lots of people (of all ages) now primarily connect via cell phone, text messaging, and the internet. It may seem “unreasonable,” to you, but it probably is an agonizingly big deal to your teen to be able to jump into those text conversations.
That said, don’t go out and buy one until your kids have at least started begging for one. And then make sure to set and enforce time & money limits and monitor the bill closely.
You might find you like your kids having phones. It’ll free up the landline (you may even get rid of it), and it gives you a way to keep tabs on them (you can get printouts that show every call/text, to/from whom, at what time it was made and how long it lasted).
January 15th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
I don’t know what it’s like in the US, but over here bullying via text message is not that uncommon, and there have been incidences of bullying via videophone/YouTube.
When I was growing up, payphones were much more common, so if I’d gone shopping with my friends (at the age of say, 12 or 13) I could have phoned home easily if necessary, whereas now, that’s not so much the case.
January 15th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
My stepdaughter (soon to be 22) got a phone when she got a job and bought one. She wanted to give her old pre-paid phone to my 12-year old daughter for Christmas, and I said no. Several of my daughter’s friends have cell phones, but I just don’t see why a 12-year old who doesn’t go anywhere unsupervised needs one. My wife and I have cell phones, and her friends’ parents have cell phones, so we can reach her if needed. Sometimes we’ll turn her loose with one of her friends, like at the state fair, and we’ll give her one of our phones and have her check in periodically.
I’ll get her one when she needs one, and when she shows enough responsibility to have one. Yes, she’ll need one when she starts driving, but if I don’t think she’s ready for a cell phone I’m not about to let her drive a car no matter how old she is. I don’t think it will be a problem with her though.
January 15th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
@Meg:
Who cares if the parents of your kids’ friends or your kids friends don’t think you’re “cool”? The job of a parent is to be a parent — to protect and guide their child — not to be a friend to their child.
January 15th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
“Like it or not, lots of people (of all ages) now primarily connect via cell phone, text messaging, and the internet. It may seem “unreasonable,” to you, but it probably is an agonizingly big deal to your teen to be able to jump into those text conversations.”
Too bad for any kid of mine. They’ll be able to do it when they can afford it on their own. I don’t care if that makes them a social pariah, I think it’s in kids’ better interests not to foster the stranglehold of technology on them.
January 15th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Here’s my issue with all this:
Where do you draw the line on “fitting in?”
Think about how many families spend more money than they should on clothes and stuff just so their kids “fit in.”
I don’t want my kids to stick out like sore thumbs but there’s nothing wrong with them being different from other kids.
January 16th, 2008 at 12:41 am
This is the “Technology” generation. Cell phone? of course – with restrictions!