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Balancing Frugality and Camaraderie – What’s Your Advice?
By JLP | June 23, 2008
I received the following email last week:
I was hoping you could throw this one out to the group of readers:
I’m a relatively frugal recent college grad, working hard to save as much as I can. I left my job at Bear Stearns in April and started a new position at a small but stable financial services firm last Wednesday. The analysts on my team frequently go out to lunch, and have been inviting me each time. I went with the group on my first day, and we all paid for our own meals. I viewed that expense as part of team building rather than as the cost of a meal which I would have otherwise brown-bagged, but I am not interested in spending money on lunch more than once a week or so, and when I do spend that money I’m not terribly interested in eating with work colleagues (my wife works nearby and when she’s not around I enjoy relaxing alone with a book and my food). What to do?
Thank you!
-Jay
My opinion:
I think you have to ask yourself what you have to gain by eating with your colleagues. If you’re the new kid on the block, it may be a good idea to forge some relationships with your new colleagues. If the only way to do that is by eating lunch with them, then perhaps you should consider doing so once or twice a week. I definitely don’t think it is necessary to eat out with them every day.
Another way to build friendship with colleagues would be to go out to lunch with one or two of them at a time. People are more likely to talk if they’re not in a large group.
The main thing is to be careful that you don’t become the office loner.
Now it’s time for AFM readers to weigh in. What’s your advice for Jay? How do you balance frugality with camaraderie?
Topics: Budgeting, Miscellaneous | 12 Comments »
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Back in the “good old days”, my firm would always pick up the tab for “team lunches”. I guess that’s no more. Jay really is between a rock and a hard place. Being a “last-hired”, he really needs to show he is a team player. But, being a “last-hired”, he no doubt has less to throw around on restaurant meals. One thought might be to suggest a “brown bag” lunch “al fresco” once a week, or, alternatively, a “pot luck” lunch, where everybody brings one thing and all share. If the co-workers get the drift, the persons with lesser salaries could bring the less expensive contribution(s), such as fruit or cookies.
Just a thought.
Good luck in your new job. Sorry about Bear Stearns. My son had a friend there who got caught in the implosion.
Yours,
Bozo
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Maybe there are others uncomfortable eating out all the time but don’t know how to approach it. As the “new guy” it could be easier for you to suggest other options – brown bagging it to a park, perhaps – in order to save $$. Otherwise, I believe in order to make strong relationships with coworkers, you need to suck it up and go out at least once a week with these people.
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:53 pm
I’ve been in this situation too. I usually like to bring lunch from home – more so due to the fact that I am vegetarian and not too many options in the fast food lunch places around here. Though I politely decline some times, I do go out some other times.
One nice way to approach this is by joining them for lunch… but not eating lunch. I pick up a drink or sometimes dessert and then catch up on my lunch later. You would be surprised at how many people have never tried dessert at their regular lunch places.
This also gives you an opportunity to talk a little bit more
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:52 pm
I am currently in the same situation as Jay. I have been at my brand-new job for a total of one week and have gone out to lunch twice so far with my co-workers. Some tend to go out more on their own, but if some of them go and ask me to join I always except. I am trying to make it a habit of bringing lunch which I enjoy doing, but I know that I need to start building relationships as well so I am trying to do a 75%/25% bring lunch/buy lunch for the moment. It’s extremely important to me to move quickly from the “new hire” phase…
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Err… that should read “accept” above, not “except.”
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:22 pm
I find this frustrating as well…except in DH’s industry the norm is drinks after work. This is made even more complicated by the fact that DH is from an alcoholic family, doesn’t drink and alcohol is a loaded topic. Plus drinks after work means he doesn’t see the kids/misses dinner that night on top of spending $$ we don’t really have sitting around waiting to have wasted.
He has chosen not to join them and has been ostracized because of it.
Granted, I’m don’t work outside the home – but I fail to see why flexing your financial values in order to be part of the “team” is a good thing, or why you have to do it. Seems like lunches and after work are personal time and you shouldn’t be penalized for doing what feels right to *you*. When I worked in an industry where lunch meetings were obligatory and part of team building the company paid for the food.
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:25 pm
I’ve had some jobs where I spent all day working closely with colleagues, and lunch became an extension of that. In those situations, I had no problem passing on lunches as I wasn’t losing any of the team building/camaraderie.
In my current position, however, I am my own little silo throughout much of the day/week, and lunch is a fantastic time for me to get caught up with other employees. For me personally, I find my working relationships are enhanced quite a bit through getting to know people on a personal level through lunches, etc.
June 23rd, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Jay – Why not just accept the invitation once per week if that’s what you’re comfortable with and not worry about it otherwise? That allows you some “team building” and “networking” time while not going overboard with your budget. It also keeps you in the social loop instead of being the loner. Keep ‘em on their toes by mixing it up as to which day of the week you’ll go. That way they’ll always ask. When you don’t want to go, just politely state that you’re meeting your wife for lunch, running errands, taking time to catch up on some reading, etc. Most decent folks will respect you for that and give you your space without any problems.
June 23rd, 2008 at 7:29 pm
I think it’s importsant to build relationships, but also a good idea to limit eating out every day. I liked the idea of the poster who goes out 75% of the time.
June 23rd, 2008 at 7:37 pm
I know a guy who would go out for lunch but we knew that his lunch budget was $5 a day and we all knew that and had no problems with it.
How about a BOGO coupon and splitting the cost or a Mexican place that serves complimentary chips and salsa. Net Work over the chips order a H2O to drink N/C and order al carte 1 or 2 tacos.
June 24th, 2008 at 8:15 am
Speaking as the office loner, there are downsides to it. I would always say “no” when asked to go to lunch to save money. Now, when the big guys come in for meetings, I never get asked and get left out. It is definitely something you have to consider as a business decision.
When I worked for another company we had salesman that took us to lunch. I don’t know if in the financial business that is the case, but that did help. In fact, the guys laughed at how I would always be available for the free lunches. Regardless – it got me out of the office with them.
June 24th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Jay, I’ve very much been in your position before, especially in that I had just gotten married when I entered a similar career – one that involves long, stressful hours, combined with a work hard, play hard, culture of spending lots of time fraternizing with my fellow inmates. My wife was constantly posing the question (and not in a sympathetic tone) of why I needed to do so much work-related socializing when I was only averaging 3-4 hours of sleep. It made for a walking zombi existence – not good for marriage. I’m glad that phase is long behind me. In retrospect I have no idea where I got all that energy from.
I think the operative approach (in retrospect) is balance. You want to socialize with your peers enough to get the invites, but not so much as for it to become severely detrimental to your personal life and budget. I would suggest you think of these socializing opportunities as part of the cost of doing business. Many long-term career connections are made during those junior years of mutual hardship. Additionally, junior staff are often very reliant on each other, given the complexities and pressures of the job. Some of the most important information gets passed around informally.
On the other hand, sometimes a little distance from the office gossip mill is not altogether a bad idea. Again, like I said before, balance is key. You don’t want to be perceived as an outsider, even if you’re not exactly an insider.
Also, if you tell your pals that you have a specific financial goal, like saving up to buy an apt, you’d be surprised at how understanding they can be. They might even be willing to accomodate you sometimes by eating outdoors in the summer (they grab sandwiches from a deli, you brown bag it, you eat together in the park or cafeteria). Also, if you’re joining your wife for lunch one or two times a week, even the single guys will kind of get that (though you might get some good-natured ribbing about being on a short leash).