Comments on: When To Refuse Financial Help from Parents?

By: Lewis

Lewis — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 18:51:53 +0000

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By: Ted

Ted — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 16:33:01 +0000

Honor your parents. They are still your parents and you are still their child. By accepting their gifts, you are acknowledging that and giving them honor.

By: EdisonAu

EdisonAu — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 02:30:04 +0000

I am currently living at home with parents, and express in no interest for any financial help from parents. However, my parents felt that I am obligated to take care of them (culture belief) and have decided to give me their retirement money (say: they can earn additional benefit from government when they retire, but created huge tax bundle + responsbility for myself). Moralty wise, I should take care of them. If i accept the money, I FEAR (many reasons: lack of freedom, lose control of future). If I reject the money, I also fear (can’t support them/ access their money when they are sick, losing all their hard working money to the horrible money loving in laws)

By: Jane

Jane — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 21:51:41 +0000

I always say no I got it, but accept the check when it is given to me. It makes my parents happy and they keep saying they’d rather see it spent now than after they die. I figure it’s their money they can do whatever they want with it. I refuse at first just so they know that I don’t expect it.

By: SavingDiva

SavingDiva — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 19:28:58 +0000

My parents are going to pay for my flight home for Christmas. I will be using their cc also. My parents also paid for my bridesmaid dress for my sister’s wedding. At 27, I feel like I should not accept their generosity, but I can’t seem to get no through my mother’s head.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 18:33:29 +0000

Tricky subject! It depends on the individuals, family dynamics, values, etc. Personally, I am very uncomfortable with the concept of “bribing” relatives to see one another.

By: Amy K.

Amy K. — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 15:10:58 +0000

My fiance and I had that discussion regarding our wedding. We’re 30, been together forever, and planned to pay for everything ourselves and warned everyone that we have everything, and did not want gifts. I think even before we told our parents, however, we knew they’d want to give us something, so we agreed we would accept gifts from parents, grandparents, and siblings, but try to discourage others. We make plenty, really, we can afford it.

Flash forward to 2 months before the wedding. We have 2 registries because well wishing relatives threatened to buy us stuff and wanted it to be things we liked, and our parents are paying for everything we hadn’t already written a check for. Wow. We attempted some feeble protests, but everyone is really adamant.

I try to be very independent, so accepting so many gifts is killing me, but I know they are meant with love, and I appreciate the well-wishing.

By: YeaYuh

YeaYuh — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 14:24:22 +0000

My parents help me out sometimes because it something they want to do. I usually except the offers when it is for something like flying home for the holidays because it helps me out with getting home to see family more often.

By: Stacey

Stacey — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 02:54:30 +0000

@#13 Isn’t sharing a credit cards a ticking timebomb? Fraud, cavalier use, etc… Not all relatives are prudent and trustworthy…

I haven’t had parents who could supply cash gifts of any consequence due to their own restricted financial situation; however they have taught me thrift (sorry, no designer purses or manicures for this gal), showered my children, husband and me w/love (and TONS of babysitting), and have put in hundreds of “sweat equity” hours with us on our 2 homes. Beats a plane ticket any day, in my humble (and grateful) opinion…

By: Meg

Meg — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 20:18:07 +0000

You know, reading the comments I realize there is more to this story. See, my mother still receives lots of financial generosity from HER mother, who is alive and well. I have grown up watching them argue graciously over who is picking up the tab no matter how large or small, and I think there is very much a “trickle down” effect going on.

My grandparents don’t dole out gas money anymore, but I found out a few years back that she has given each of her kids a credit card in her name with which they were/are supposed to pay for things like back-to-school shopping for their kids (i.e. me) in addition to any emergencies or last minute trips. Last month, for instance, I heard her encourage my aunt to stay overnight in a hotel rather than making a long drive home after a long flight. “Just put it on the credit card,” she encouraged.

I doubt my mom uses that card much, but I bet her own mother’s attitude plays a big role in her giving – just like my other grandparents’ “you’re on your own” attitude probably helped shape my father’s “I raised you to be independent” mindset.