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A Review of Larry Winget’s “Your Kids Are Your Own Fault”
By JLP | January 5, 2010
Larry Winget’s back with another book. This time it’s his thoughts on raising kids (Your Kids Are Your Own Fault: A Guide For Raising Responsible, Productive Adults
Let me say right here that I don’t agree with everything Larry has to say. But I did like this book. One thing I have mentioned in my other reviews of Larry’s book is that I like the fact that he tells it like he sees it and with some humor. There’s no sugar-coating for fear of stepping on toes or hurting feelings. According to Larry there are plenty of books that do that. This isn’t one of them.
So what’s to like? Well, here is a quick rundown of the book:
Larry opens the book with an introduction to explain the purpose of the book and some warnings for readers. The first warning made me laugh.
I can’t talk about what to teach your kids unless I tell you what I taught my own kids. Therefore, you are going to hear quite a bit about my boys. Sorry. I am not going to go on and on about how great they were though, I promise. Because the fact is, they weren’t all that great. They were just kids.
I can vouch for Larry in that the book is not a memoir of what a great parent he is or was.
The first chapter lists eight reasons kids do what they do (my thoughts in italics):
1. Parents let them.
2. There are no consequences for bad behavior. At least not in the short-term. There’s always consequences though…
3. Their parents tell them they are special. Kids need to know they are loved and special in God’s sight, but that’s where it ends. They aren’t better than anyone else and shouldn’t be made to feel that way.
4. Parents make their kids the most imporant things in their lives. This is so true.
5. Kids have a sense of entitlement.
6. Kids don’t develop a sense of self-worth through accomplisment.
7. Kids are overmedicated. ADD didn’t exist (or at least I hadn’t heard of it) when I was a kid.
8. Parents set bad examples for their kids.
I can’t argue with any of those reasons.
He then moves on to discuss the five basics of parenting:
1. Communication
2. Involvement
3. Education
4. Discipline
5. Punishment – GASP! Larry even believes in spanking if necessary!
All five offer good advice.
The last section of the book is suggests things parents should teach their kids. Life lesson-type things like managing money, sex, relationships, school, teaching them to plan for success, etc. It’s in these areas where I tend to disagree with Larry, which is to be expected since this is a book about his views on parenting. I’m sure there are areas that won’t agree on either. But, I will say that reading Larry’s thoughts, made me think about my own thoughts. I won’t go into to details because I don’t want to start a big long argument with AFM readers.
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Topics: Books | 6 Comments »
January 5th, 2010 at 1:12 am
I think children are the most important thing in the lives of parents, after one’s spouse. But numbers 2, 3 and 6 are very true. There are no real consequences for any children in this society, no matter what they do. And self-esteem building, apart from gaining it from appropriate actions, are at the core of ruining our children. Larry can believe in spanking, but any child outside of a hermit household knows that it is the parents that will “get in trouble” if they exercise authority over their children. This is moot, of course, if the children respond appropriately to their parents authority and guidance. The core problem is that people (yes, children are people) are not held responsible for their actions. In the case of children, disobedience is irrelevant, because it is the parents who are responsible for their actions. When not talking about children, it is the devil that made people go wrong – and the devil is whatever takes away their own responsibility for their actions. They can’t help it, because that is what they are. It is someone or something else’s fault.
January 6th, 2010 at 7:56 pm
Honestly, you SHOULD be arguing with #7! I was one of those “I’ll never medicate my kid-ADHD-doesn’t-really-exist-all-it-takes-is-good-and-patient-parenting” parents. At least I was until I got a daughter with serious ADHD. Nothing worked and the poor kid was miserable at home, at school, wherever she had to interact with others. Then, much against my personal judgment, I tried meds. The results were incredible–overnight she could read, study, sit still, behave. The medications had to be monitored and had to be changed upon several occasions, but they did (and do now that she is an adult) make a major difference in her life. Suprised the heck out of me!
January 7th, 2010 at 9:34 am
@Grace. Thank goodness for research chemists to improve our daily lives. Yes, I’m in the “good parenting” camp most of the time, but I do acknowledge that meds are needed for some children. Hang around a school long enough and you’ll see plenty of reasons why. Glad to hear your daughter is doing well.
January 7th, 2010 at 10:13 am
Thank goodness for people who tell it like it is. I know my kids aren’t perfect by any means, but they are far from many of the brats I see at their schools!
I wholeheartedly agree that children need to understand consequences (which does include punishment for wrongdoing and having to survive the natural repercussions of poor choices without someone “fixing” it for you)
And the part about people treating them like they are the center of their lives? Well, I always say “Children are a PART of the family, not the reason for the family”. I tell the kids that I love them very much, but that I loved their father first and he is the reason that they are there!
January 9th, 2010 at 2:13 pm
As many things as parents effect in the lives of their children, money habits is one of them that is often overlooked.
It’s not as simple as “if your parent were rich/poor you will be rich/poor” How we as parents spend, invest,view and manage money in general will pass on to our children and form their views of money.
Both me and my wife have deeply reviewed and recognized some of the flawed money patterns we have in our head and are now trying to avoid them with our children.
For example, have you ever heard a mom tell their children when they ask for money “I don’t have money, ask your dad…”
What image of a mother does that give a child, specially a girl??
That men have all the money…
That women, specifically stay at home moms, don’t have any money…
That women depend on men for money…etc.
Just an example.
January 13th, 2010 at 9:47 am
I also take issue with #7. I agree that kids are overmedicated, but this does not mean that ADD does not exist. It just means that there are lot of kids without ADD who are being medicated as if they did.
I would argue the same for a lot of other conditions (such as depression, anxiety, or migraines). The medical conditions are very real, and have physical symptoms that can only be treated with medication, but they are also very often misdiagnosed.
The interesting thing is that doctors agree – surveys have shown that doctors believe those conditions are over-diagnosed. The thing is, they think they are over-diagnosed by other doctors – not themselves.