« It’s Friday. How About a Couple of Music Videos? | Main | Did You Know Ameriprise Has Their Own Channel on YouTube? »
OT: ‘The Politeness Project’
By JLP | March 12, 2010
I was going through our stack of mail this morning and came across my wife’s copy of Ladies’ Home Journal. I picked it up and thumbed through it because I saw something about organization on the front cover, which went along with a post I did just a couple of days ago. While looking for the article, I stumbled upon Holly Robinson’s The Politeness Project, which opens with:
Recently three people were rude to me in as many hours. First a bank teller shrugged and snapped her gum when I asked why she put a hold on my paycheck. Then a teenager whizzed by on a skateboard and nearly knocked me flat. Finally, at lunch, the waitress forgot my order; after I reminded her, she brought me cold soup and shoved it in front of me without a word. I’m no doormat, so naturally I let these people have it. But when I saw the rude waitress stomp into the kitchen to tear into the cook, I instantly regretted my bad temper. She’d been dissed by me, so now she was setting out to do exactly the same thing to someone else.
I thought of my British grandmother, who knew how to pour a proper tea and schooled me in the power of good manners early on. When faced with a rude salesclerk, for instance, Grandmother was apt to pat the woman’s arm, compliment her sweater, and apologize for bothering her — which inevitably led the salesclerk to scurry off to find whatever item my grandmother required, pronto. Grandmother would never have gone off on the waitress the way I did. Instead, she would have sweetly asked her to reheat her soup because it was so delicious that she wanted to savor every sip.
She then goes on to say that she was determined to use her manners for seven days. The rest of the article is a day-by-day account of her experiment. It’s worth reading.
Her article reminded me a lot of Dale Carnegie’s book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” which is all about putting other people before yourself. By doing so, you can get what you want. I know it sounds kind of selfish and manipulative but it’s really not—as long as you have the right motives.
I think I might try my own Politeness Project.
Topics: Miscellaneous | 7 Comments »
March 12th, 2010 at 1:28 pm
Thanks for sharing this, JLP. It brightened my day.
Being more polite is definitely something I need to work on as well. I’m not generally rude to people, but I could do a lot more in the way of being intentionally kind.
March 12th, 2010 at 2:10 pm
I made the decision to put this into practice about a year or so ago. I was so fed up with everyone’s negativity, rude behavior, etc. that I made a conscious choice to be the opposite.
I must admit that, although my cheerful perspective can be annoying to some, it benefits me 10x over! Good luck with giving this a shot. It takes some practice, but I now have my daughter doing it, too! It’s contagious!
March 13th, 2010 at 10:09 am
What a lovely article, JLP. (See it’s working already!)
March 13th, 2010 at 10:54 am
I have learned from working as a debt collector how important it is not to meet frustration with frustration. Every day, angry people yell at me. I remain calm, and they eventually meet me at my level. People around me escalate, which leads to miserable conversations, hangups, and general dissatisfaction. I am a much happier person because of what I’ve learned from talking to angry people.
March 13th, 2010 at 11:06 am
I can’t remember what started it but my wife and I thank other drivers when we cut in front of them. I now notice other drives are thanking me when I let them in my lane ahead of me. I know it’s a small thing but in NYC where another driver is more likely to drive into you rather than let you cut him/her off it’s a nice thing to see.
Of course I’d like to believe we started the trend but that would be a rude thought.
March 13th, 2010 at 11:14 am
I always wave when someone let’s me cut in front of them and I appreciate when people wave or acknowledge when I let them in.
April 17th, 2010 at 9:27 pm
Hi JLP,
How wonderful that someone in the financial world noticed my article! I’m very pleased. I do think manners in the business world are completely underrated. If you want to see what Kathie Lee & Hoda thought of this piece on The Today Show, check out the show on April 16 — I was just on air talking about it with them yesterday. A very surreal but fascinating experience, for sure, to see how the TV world works from the inside. Also, I noticed that you grew up in Kansas. I spent time at Ft. Leavenworth when my dad was stationed there, and wrote a book that’s partly set there — check it out! My dad was an entrepreneur, too, and had his own business — raising gerbils. Yes, all true. Anyway, thanks for noticing the piece and commenting on it. I enjoy your web site.