Marrying a person who shares your attitudes about money might just be the smartest financial decision you will ever make. In fact, when it comes to finances, your marriage is likely to be your most valuable asset — or your largest liability.

Today, while most of us marry for romantic reasons, marriage at its core is still a financial union. So much of what we want — or don’t want — out of life boils down to dollars and cents, whether it’s how hard we choose to work, how much we consume or how much we save.

A lot of the debates people have about money are code for how we want to live our lives.

The rest of the article gives tips on how to get and stay on the same financial page as a couple, but they’re pretty much the same old “talk about your goals,” “enjoy responsibly,” and “maintain some independence” tips.

I think financial compatibility is either there or it’s not in many cases. If you are fighting a lot about “money” in actuality you are probably are disagreeing about goals, values, and priorities which can be a difficult mountain to overcome.

After reading this article it inspired me to write one of my own called “Financial Relationship Deal Breakers.” What do you think are important financial elements to take into account when choosing a lifelong partner? Or do you think it matters at all?

More from Meg at The World of Wealth

I just watched Dateline NBC’s seven part undercover series on equity-indexed annuities. This is a must watch for everyone. It is pathetic the lengths that some people will go to to make a sale.

For instance, one of the video segments shows an annuity training program called “Annuity University.” At this training session, sales agents are able to purchase books that they did not write but can put their names on anyway to make it look like they are the book’s author. They can even purchase a magazine that will insert the agent’s picture along with a fake question-and-answer article with the agent inside the magazine. Even though this probably isn’t illegal, it sure as heck is misleading. It gives fake credibility to the agent. One of the agents actually pulled out a copy of the magazine and gave it to the prospect in one of the video segments.

Wouldn’t legitimately building credability by actually writing books and articles be the better way to go?

One other thing I thought was funny was one of the agents got really upset when he found out that he was being taped. He called the Dateline reporter a liar because he [the Dateline reporter] wasn’t upfront with the agent. The agent was probably just upset that he wasn’t going to make a sale. Funny stuff.

I also enjoyed the conversations with Joseph Borg, Director of the Alabama Securities Commission, and Minnesota Attorney General, Lori Swanson. Watch the videos and you’ll see what I mean.

I think this exposé should be watched by everyone—not so much to say that all annuities are bad—but rather to give people some things to think about BEFORE they sign on the dotted line of one of these contracts. I don’t think any ethical salesperson would object to that.

Related:

Another Follow-up on Equity-Indexed Annuities (Sorry Muddlehead)

My Response to a Comment on My Equity-Indexd Annuity Post

A Look at an Equity-Indexed Annuity

Do You Attend Retirement, Investment, or Annuity Seminars?

Think Before You Buy

I’m pretty open about our finances with my dad only because we talk fairly often. I don’t blog about the miute details of our finances here on this blog because I’m not anonymous. I’ll just tell you that we are in the middle of the middle class.

Other than my dad (and of course my wife), I don’t talk specifics about our finances.

What about you? Do you talk about your personal finances with friends?

Rather than comment here, why don’t you head over to OneFrugalGirl and comment there (I don’t want to steal her topic).

Interesting question.

That’s the question a father asked his daughter in an article by Jonathan Yardley that I just finished reading. The daughter chose the wedding! I expect that most women (and probably a few men) would choose the wedding, which I think is kind of sad based on the fact that 50% of marriages end up in divorce. I realize you can’t put a price on love but $30,000 seems like a lot. I think it has become apparant that to many people, the wedding is more important than the marriage.

I thought this quote taken from One Perfect Day by Rebecca Mead was interesting:

“If a bride has been told, repeatedly, that it costs nearly $28,000 to have a wedding, then she starts to think that spending nearly $28,000 on a wedding is just one of those things a person has to do, like writing a rent check every month or paying health insurance premiums. (Or she prides herself on being a budget bride and spending a mere $15,000 on the event.) She is less likely to reflect upon the fact that $28,000 would have more than covered a 10 percent down payment on the median purchase price of a house in 2005 and would cover the average cost to a family of a health insurance policy, at 2005 rates, for a decade. The bride who has been persuaded that $28,000 is a reasonable amount of money to spend on her wedding day is less likely to measure that total against the nation’s median household income — $42,389 in 2004 — and reflect upon whether it is, in fact, reasonable for her or for anyone to spend the equivalent of seven and a half months of the average American’s salary on one day’s celebration.”

I remember when my wife and I got married nearly 14 years ago. We had a beautiful wedding and I’m pretty sure it didn’t cost anything near $30,000 even after adjusting for inflation. A lot has changed in fourteen years. Weddings are now big, big business and a lot of brides and parents feel like they “have” to spend a lot on a wedding in order for it to be legitimate. Of course this is coming from a guy’s point of view. I’m curious to hear what you women think about this.

A survey by San Francisco college savings company Little Grad has suggested that parents prefer friends and relatives give college money as gifts.

The survey found that 61 percent of responding parents preferred their children to receive college funds on holidays rather than toys, with 13 percent dissenting.

As I stated before, I think this will always be a problem because it simply isn’t fun for relatives (and even parents) to give money as gifts. It seems impersonal and most kids hate getting money because they can’t grasp the significance of the gift. That’s why I’m an advocate of moderation. Why not spend half of the gift budget on a toy and give the other half to mom and dad to put in the college fund? Of course, this idea has a shortfall because it could be embarrassing for those who don’t normally spend a lot of money on gift-giving.

There’s no easy answer. I think each family has to approach (or not approach) this topic in a way that they see fit. But, based on the above survey, parents are at least thinking about college funding. This is a good thing!

1. How expensive of a lifestyle do you want to live for the rest of your lives?

2. Where do you want to live, and in what kind of home?

3. What sort of health-care and lifesaving measures do you want taken, if necessary?

4. Who do you want to put legally in charge of carrying out all of these wishes?

According to the article, Migliaccio’s parents did not like being asked these questions, which is understandable considering how private most people are when it comes to their finances. Also, coming from a child, these questions might make the parents feel stupid so be careful how you ask them. The answers to the above questions were Migliaccio’s 50th birthday present.

I don’t and I’m positive my wife doesn’t either. Fortunately, we are both on the same page when it comes to our finances.

I want to wish Mr. Crenshaw happy and successful retirement. I will miss his column. Who knows, maybe he’ll start a blog.

1. What are your financial assets and liabilities?

This is the most basic and most touchy question. I suppose the older you are, the more touchy this question could be. However, this is a very important question to ask and answer. If one person brings a lot of debt to the marriage, it could cause problems. Although it may be difficult to talk about such a thing, it is much better to talk about it now rather than after the marriage.

2. How do you use debt?

Some people absolutely hate debt of any kind. Other people consider it a natural part of life. Regardless, it is important to understand each other’s feeling towards the use of debt. Make a plan as to what items you are willing to fund with debt and which items you will fund with cash. Whatever you decide, stick with it.

3. What is your money history?

This seems like an emotional question to me. Most of us grow up emulating the money habits of our parents. Therefore, it is important for the couple to understand where each is coming from. If one person is a hoarder and the other a spendthrft, that spells trouble.

4. Do we need a prenup?

Personally, I’m not a fan of prenups because it looks like a “way out” from the marriage. However, I can see how some people might find them necessary, especially for second or third marriages that occur later in life. A prenup may even help relations between other family members.

5. What are your financial aspirations?

This is a fun question. Do you want to retire and become a missionary? Do you want to retire and travel around the world? Do you want to start your own business? What is it that you want to do that takes money? These are excellent questions for couples to ask themselves.

6. What are your career expectations?

Do both people expect to have careers? Whose career is going to come first? It is best to figure this out before you cross that bridge.

7. How do you propose we divide financial duties?

Keeping track of finances is a time-consuming duty. It is best to split up the task so that each person has an understanding of the household finances.

8. Will we operate from one checkbook or three?

This question is probably more important for couples who have been previously married or are older. For younger couples, I would recommend one checkbook. It makes life less complicated and helps you stay on the same page.

9. Do you have a basic understanding of money?

Be CAREFUL how you ask this question! This could really sound like a putdown if you aren’t careful.

In addition to the above questions, it might be wise to visit a financial planner or counselor just to make sure all bases are covered. If you visit an hourly planner, I can’t imagine it costing more than $200 – $500 to come up with a basic financial plan for a young couple. Or, if you don’t want to spend that much, consider Jeff Opdyke’s Love and Money or Suze Orman’s Young, Fabulous and Broke, which will both offer young couples a better grasp of personal finance.

Money Magazine Survey – Men, Women & Money

Money Can Rock the Boat for Couples

Interesting reads. I’ll talk more about this tomorrow (Tuesday).